the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize