Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
