Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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