I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
