is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
