Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
