I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
