okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
