I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
