Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
