Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
