Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
