don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
