it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
