So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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