I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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