Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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