actually, I'm a sock model
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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