I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
