soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think my moral compass just broke
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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