im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
