How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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