he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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