you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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