dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
