You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
