nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize