I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
