I think my fart just growled at me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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