guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
