you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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