I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
