i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i now understand why vodka
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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