You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
