He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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