I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
