i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
