dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
