It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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