3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
