theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize