Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
