This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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