I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
