he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
