mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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