The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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