People in love make me want to vomit
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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