There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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