I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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