sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just high enough for therapy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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