I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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