i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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