oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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