They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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