So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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