My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
