Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
