If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
