I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
